


Family

by cadkitten



Category: DCU (Comics)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Family Issues, Fear, Forgiveness, M/M, Masks, Pain, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:40:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8477458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: Lian's run away and the search for her has turned hopeless. It's taking its toll on Jason, maybe more so than it should be.





	

**Author's Note:**

> For JayRoyWeek on Tumblr. Day 3: Problems Raising a Child  
> Beta Readers: kate1zena  
> Song[s]: The Most Epic Euphoric Female Vocals Chillstep/EDM/DnB 1 Hour Gaming Music Mix

_People who have physical scars hide them with clothing or a mask. Those with emotional scars hide them with a smile or a laugh.  
-quotesforselfharm from tumblr_

_He laughs_.

Jason shifts in his chair, agitated isn't exactly the word for what his fingers are doing against the table at the moment. One hand is clutching a half-finished mug of coffee - the bitter, cheap kind from the grocers around the corner, the other doing the lightest dance upon the linoleum countertop.

It's been _hours_ since any of them have heard anything from the police. Jason knows they should _be out there_ , helping to look, helping in this search even the police are calling a hopeless effort. 

The rest of the black coffee goes in, the feel of it sliding down his throat making Jason faintly _sick_ , but he swallows it regardless. It's nothing like Alfred's... _Alfred_ \- he stops the thought, derails it and pastes on the hopeful look he's been patiently keeping in place for _days_ now. 

_It's a hopeless effort_. Roy sees right through it and Jason knows that, knows it the same way he knows the newest _Robin_ knows exactly who he is. They met once, on a rooftop in Gotham. He punched the kid in the face and he _just took it_ , stared at him with the coldest look Jason had ever seen, and he _understood_ that they knew one another... knew one another's pain, at the least. It hadn't been hard to see beneath that _mask_. No harder than his own.

 _It's like owning the past._ With effort, Jason stands up, pushes the memories of _family_ from his head, focuses on what he _does_ have. Though... how long will it last if this continues to be such an _endless_ path?

He ponders the idea of Roy leaving him if they can't find his daughter, weighs the chances, the probabilities, and he _hates_ his mind right now. It's a terrible place, to be stuck between ability to _deduct_ and ability to _feel_.

 _It feels like Hell_. Jason swipes his hand through his hair, moves to the window, presses his hand over the far smaller hand print on the glass, _engulfing_... _taking_. The word _family_ bubbles back up and this time it holds a whole other set of people, though Jason's still at the heart of it. Lian and Roy and... _and_ -

He turns away, neatly covers a cough that has nothing to do with _needing_ to and everything to do with the tickle in his _mind_ , and he _paces_. There's a joke on the tip of his tongue, a false smile waiting to spill free of his lips about wearing a hole in the _floor_. The grimace isn't covered the way the cough was; this he lets the empty room see for what it is.

Roy's voice, from the other room, a phone call, drifting voices of the two uniforms in their _home_. Jason sighs, finds the pretense for another cough, and slips into the shadows of the doorway, leaning, _listening_. 

A girl, fourteen, the hair and eyes are a match, and Jason feels like a _punch_ has been landed to his gut. No armor, no protection, no _hope_.

He sighs, pushes away from the wall and takes a step when his phone starts to vibrate. He answers without thinking, without paying attention to the number, and it's the _replacement_. His voice isn't _unknown_ to Jason, but it's a surprise it's on the other end of his _personal_ line.

There's something like relief in the way he says the words Jason didn't know he wanted to hear, something like _questions_ he needs to ask but can't make his mouth work to form. When the sob comes from his lips, he isn't sure _what_ to do except hang up the line.

Three steps turn to five and ten and Jason's hands are on Roy's stricken face, cupping, soothing, and his _mouth_ is hot against his lips before he can _think_ that perhaps it isn't appropriate, that maybe that's not the reaction he _should_ be having to this.

His phone vibrates and Jason sees the words of _hope_ of having found _her_ alive and well flashing across the screen and he holds it out to Roy, _watches_ as his face turns from grief to _relief_.

 _It's like iron on his tongue_. A weight, a heavy burden of fear and pain and _hopelessness_ , is lifted from the room and there's a moment of _silence_ for whomever's kid that is in the morgue, but _thankfulness_ that it's not _theirs_.

 _Yes, theirs_. Jason's heart pounds and he lets Roy take the phone from him completely, hears the plans being made to bring her _home_ , and there's _laughter_ in his voice. It isn't humor and it isn't relief... _this is Roy's mask_ and Jason finds himself thinking of _Tim_ once more. The mask to hide the scars, the _jokes_ to hide the pain; maybe they're not so different after all. 

He sags against the wall and when he starts to slide down it, no one stops him, and when the _tears_ track down his face... no one is surprised. 

_Family_... he _has_ two, if only he can open his arms and _forgive_. Lian... she needs _their_ forgiveness and Jason... he knows who it needs to be that picks her up, who it's _always_ needed to be, and he wonders for the spark of an instant if - maybe - she didn't do this _for him_. And that... that's a thought that burns bright, an endless flame in the _night_.


End file.
